Another drive-by (or swim-by, as the case may be) post while I'm dealing with "real work" deadlines and trying to finish my long-promised piece based on interviews with a self-help industry insider...
As you probably know if you've been hanging around my Whirled for any length of time, there's an incredibly silly, kinda sex-culty thing going around called ACCESS Consciousness (formerly ACCESS Energy Transformation). My most recent post about ACCESS was in October of 2009, though it made its debut on this Whirled on June 6, 2007, and had an encore appearance on June 12 of the same year. I mentioned it again in May of 2008 (scroll down to the second item, "Warning: ACCESSories on the loose"); and then again the following July (scroll down to second item, "ACCESS: It just gets worse"). I would tell you exactly what ACCESS is, but after nearly three years of blogging till I'm blue in the face about it, I still don't really know. All I can really say for sure is that it seems to make people all silly and giggly, and apparently inspires women of all ages to show their cleavage.
"And that's a bad thing?" you ask. Okay, there's nothing wrong with cleavage, and maybe the silliness and giggling aren't so bad either (blog fodder, after all), but the cultishness is a little disturbing when you think about it. Thinking is frowned on in ACCESS, but not here on my Whirled.
At any rate, the ACCESSories are still doing their thing, and now, apparently, they are spreading the love to the world's oceans, which are choking with plastic. ACCESS is going to save the oceans, or part of one of them, anyway, by magically transforming the plastic into... oh, I don't know. Fish? Fish poop? A new info-product? They don't really say.
An alert reader gave me the heads-up about a new ACCESS-related website, Ocean 300. Although it doesn't seem to be fully functional yet, and doesn't yet mention ACCESS anywhere that either Alert Reader or I could see, the project has been touted in recent interviews given by Gary Douglas, an ex-Realtor and the founder of ACCESS. And the mantra, "How does it get any better than this?" is pure ACCESSspeak.
What the ACCESSories are gonna do, it seems, is utilize a technique that supposedly allows them to "transform matter at the molecular level," as described in the print-on-demand-published work, Magic: You Are It. Be It, by Gary Douglas and his sidekick, Rasputin. Oh, I'm just kidding about Rasputin, whom Gary fired a few years ago. (You can't really trust those dead Russian faux-monks, you know.) These days, Gary's main sidekick – and his co-author on Magic as well as several other books – is Dr. Dain Heer. Both Gary and Dain tout their proprietary brand of alchemy, which was originally "given" to Gary by Rasputin or someone or something from another dimension.
But lest I get too far off course, here is the skinny on Ocean 300, straight from their web site:
Ocean 300's target is to change the continent of plastic that is currently floating in the Pacific Ocean.
This mass of floating plastic has been called the "Great Pacific Garbage Patch," "The Plastic Ocean" and "The World's Biggest Garbage Dump." Ocean 300 asks, How does it get any better than this?
300 people will board a ship in 2011 and sail into the plastic zone. Using an energy called Molecular Demanifestation, they will invite all of that plastic to change and transform into elements that the ocean can handle and dissipate with ease. This has never been done before and may create an awareness in the world of what else is possible, beyond what many have decided is not.
Ocean 300 will be releasing information, videos and testimonials showing you how to change and transform things using Molecular Demanifestation. What if you could change a glass of wine to be the most delicious, refreshing and nutritious treat for you [sic] body?*
Is this going to be one of those luxury cruise-ship deals, such as those hosted by Esther and Jerry Hicks and their imaginary bud(s) Abraham, or "Scientist" Bob Proctor, or any number of other New-Wage gurus? At this point it's not clear, but my correspondent had a few questions about Ocean 300's planned mission:
...The goal is phrased rather vaguely -- transforming plastic into 'something the ocean can handle.' What does that mean, exactly? Convenient that nobody on the boat would be able to observe whether the transformation had occurred at all. And then, of course, they leave and whether what they did made any difference whatsoever would be determined how?
This is touted as a demonstration of their technique that is going to open the world's eyes to what they can do. So why pick something like this, in 2011? Why not go to Haiti now and transform earthquake rubble into down comforters and stacks of pancakes and save some lives? Now that would be a demonstration. (As if I didn't know why.)
The moving graphic of the ocean is a little odd -- a veiled shark and a little Nemo-like fish going in opposite directions. The accompanying photos of divers looking at stuff looks to me like a fishing net clump, not the problem in the ocean they are going to fix. The bits of plastic are tiny, tiny, things.
No price mentioned. I bet it is going to cost a lot.
And I bet they won't have much trouble finding 300 suckers to cough up whatever it's going to cost. After all, our precious oceans are at stake.
According to one of the Ocean300 legal pages, the enterprise is legally based in New Zealand, where, as it happens, ACCESS has a pretty strong presence. (Australia is similarly fortunate to have a significant ACCESS presence.) Here's the legal lowdown, in case any of you U.S. citizens should foolishly decide you want to sue Ocean300:
This Agreement shall all be governed and construed in accordance with the laws of New Zealand applicable to agreements made and to be performed in New Zealand. You agree that any legal action or proceeding between Ocean300 and you for any purpose concerning this Agreement or the parties' obligations hereunder shall be brought exclusively in a federal or state court of competent jurisdiction sitting in New Zealand . Any cause of action or claim you may have with respect to the Service must be commenced within one (1) year after the claim or cause of action arises or such claim or cause of action is barred. Ocean300's failure to insist upon or enforce strict performance of any provision of this Agreement shall not be construed as a waiver of any provision or right. Neither the course of conduct between the parties nor trade practice shall act to modify any provision of this Agreement. Ocean300 may assign its rights and duties under this Agreement to any party at any time without notice to you.
On Bonnie Coleen's Seeing Beyond radio show site, there is a recent (January 27, 2010) interview with Gary Douglas, but I'd be careful downloading that if I were you. When I tried to do it, it locked my computer up. That might have just been my slow satellite Internet connection, but it still might be better to err on the side of caution. If you do want to give it a whirl, here's the page that lists the show's recent Podcasts.
My correspondent, who happened to catch the interview, wrote:
Now I don't expect much science knowledge from a Santa Barbara Realtor, and maybe he was having a really bad day or had a bad night's sleep, but he does seem to be having basic troubles with language in the interview. He uses "evaporate" instead of "condense" when describing an accessory's business that removes water from the air. That could just be technical ignorance, falling in the sub-high school range of knowledge. But then he gets the words "past" and future" mixed up twice, then catches himself. It is almost like he just isn't paying any attention to what he is saying. And I think there is a third one where he gets two basic words reversed (increase and diminish, I think it was near the end of the softball "interview"). He also mentions what he charges for his seminars ($10,000) and I haven't heard that before.
Perhaps Gary was inspired by hearing about the cost of James "Death" Ray's infamous Spiritual Warrior retreat.
All right, maybe juxtaposing ACCESS with The Ray is unfair. As far as I know, ACCESS hasn't killed anyone yet, although arguably it has contributed to the deaths of a few marriages and other close relationships, and possibly a few billion brain cells.
On the other hand, it is apparently allowing people like Dain (they call him the "Body Whisperer") Heer to get laid. He has described himself as being pretty much an unhappy loser before he discovered ACCESS, but just look at him now. Dr. Dain seems to have truly become a sex starlet in the New-Wage industry. And it's not just the young ones like Summer and Rikka who are enchanted; apparently gals of all ages love him and his body workshops.
But now it looks as if Dr. Dain might have some competition in the sex-starlet category. I recently discovered an apparent up-and-Comer, a Dr. Steve, who is delivering three-day ACCESS "Body Workshops." Here's one of his promo vids, complete with candlelight, unwanted background noise, and strategically lowered eyelids. Here's another one, sans the candlelight but still with the strategic eyelids. As I asked on a recent Tweet, would you buy a three-day body workshop from this SNAG?
I'm sure Dr. Dain has nothing to worry about, though. There seems to be an endless supply of cleavage and giggles to go 'round.
Regarding "Dr. Steve's" videos, my correspondent mused, "This new guy, plus Dr. Dain, make me think the great Pacific garbage patch is going to get a treatment with oil, or grease." Not to mention slime...
If phony sexuality doesn't work for you, there's always just plain weird and creepy:
You gotta love those computer-simulated voices.
Yep, ACCESS just keeps growing, and growing, and growing, much like that big wad of plastic in the ocean. The day may come when the rest of the world discovers it, but I am thinking that ACCESS or one of its "leaders" might have to actually kill someone for the rest of the blogosphere, not to mention the mainstream media, to take notice. For now, I will continue to try to keep you updated here on my little Whirled.
Can't get enough enlightened sexploitation? Get on your knees NOW, Slave, and click here.
In an oceanic frame of mind? Swim on over here. Or here.
* My correspondent said that in the above-mentioned radio interview, Gary Douglas claimed that by using his "molecular manifestation technique," he can wave his hand over a glass of bad wine and turn it into really good tasting wine. "I guess walking on water is next," mused my friend.
Labels: ACCESS Consciousness, ACCESS Consciousness criticism, ACCESS Energy Transformation, Dain Heer, Enlightened sexploitation, Gary Douglas