Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Mad monk makes eyes at riled Realtor…and the rest, as they say, is hysteria

"The genius of the New Age movement is that it has succeeded in mainstreaming concepts and ideas that used to be identified with actual mental pathology."
~ Steve Salerno


In the P.S. to my previous Access post, I hinted that I had learned a little more about the mysterious Rasputinian origins of the vaguely cultish but freewheeling and endlessly amusing sex-and-money org, Access Consciousness. Rasputin's role is not widely talked about in Access circles today, apparently, and even Access founder Gary Douglas wrote, in a comment to one of my other Access posts, that "Rasputin went away 5 years ago." He added that very little of Access today is based on anything Rasputin said. That's all well and good, but I've always been somewhat of a history buff myself, and I think the story of how Access came to be is very interesting. I came across an old Access document that tells the tale in some detail.


I cannot provide links to this document, because it doesn't exist online as far as I know, but I read it, and I have to say, Dear Ones, that this is an amazing success story. It is the tale of how one man was able to lasso not only Rasputin but a diverse range of other imaginary friends,* ultimately using the lot to build an empire. Granted, that empire isn’t nearly so grand as those of others in the imaginary-friends industry, such as J.Z. Knight and her 35,000-year-old pretend pal Ramtha, or Esther and Jerry Hicks and their imaginary collective, Abraham, or even, arguably, Vladimir Megre and his made-up nekkid blonde babe, Anastasia. Or, for that matter, Gary “Just change one letter in the guy’s last name” Renard, who began his imaginary-friends career by gabbing with a disembodied couple in his living room. (“But I’m not mental, I promise!”)

Imaginary friends can land a body in the loony bin, but they can be very lucrative for a lucky few. J.Z. Knight’s success is legendary; not only has she made a fortune over the past couple of decades, but it could accurately be said that Ramtha was the entity who got the whole hustledork-moviemercial ball rolling with What The Bleep Do We Know?!?, which is basically just a huge promo for Crazy J.Z.’s Ramtha act, with some fake quantum fizzix, hammy acting (shame on you, Marlee Matlin), and bad animations thrown in. Jerry and Esther and Abe are also legendary; much of the original Secret DVD was framed around them, but then Rhonda Byrne got too greedy and they had a bit of a falling-out. Still, Esther’s Follies are an undisputed mega-success; Esther-Jerry-Abe throw lavish sea cruises a couple of times a year, and they make kazillions of dollars doing this and putting on other events and selling shiploads of products. Vlad Megre’s Anastasia books have reportedly sold millions of copies, and they have inspired Anastasia communes all over the world. Gary Renard…well, he may still be mental, but he keynotes at New-Wage expos all over, and he’s been in a few hustledork moviemercials himself.

And Gary Douglas? Hmmm...no lavish cruises yet that I'm aware of, although some Accessories are planning to send 300 people off in a boat next year to work on de-manifesting a big glob of plastic in the ocean. That doesn't sound exactly like the lap of luxury, Abe-Hicks style; in fact, the last I heard, the Accessories had yet to even acquire a seaworthy vessel. Still, Gary has done all right for himself, especially after he hit upon the idea, some years ago, of pulling in a younger guy (that would be Dain “I want to be an Oprah boy” Heer) to attract a core fan base of horny and well-heeled women, thus assuring a steady income for Access for many years to come. Shades of
Grigori Rasputin, whose core client base was well-born women. Genius!

Which brings us to the person who really deserves more credit than he seems to be getting these days from the Accessories: the aforementioned Rasputin, or “Raz,” as Gary liked to call him back in the days when the two were intimate. Veteran Accessories probably know the Raz tale by heart, but many other folks don't. The old Access paper I read begins, “Truth is sometimes stranger than fiction. The truth of how Access came to be is one of those things…”

So come along, Dear Ones, and let’s look at some “truth,” Gary Douglas style.

* * *

Access, according to the Gary fairy tale I read, had its real roots in the mid-sixties. It was during that time, so the narrative says, that “a sensational new book hit the market, The Mad Monk of Moscow.”

When I read this, I immediately went a-Googling. As I may have mentioned in a few previous posts (such as my first Access post, as well as here and here), I am utterly fascinated by Russia and Russian history, and Rasputin in particular. (Peter the Great was pretty fascinating too, though from a different era than Rasputin, of course.) Alas, I could find nothing about a book specifically called The Mad Monk of Moscow. Surely, even if it were long out of print, there would be something about it, particularly if it had been as sensational as Gary implied.

Granted, there have been many books published about Rasputin. His story is quite well known, in fact. And many, many writers have referred to him as the “Mad Monk,” even though he wasn’t really a monk. He was possibly quite mad, though there's some argument about that...but for that matter, I wouldn't vouch for the mental health of some of his followers, both before and after his death.

The fact that I couldn’t find any information about a book called The Mad Monk of Moscow doesn’t mean it never existed; it just means that after minutes of intensive research I could not find anything on the Interwebs. However, there was a schlocky 1966 movie called Rasputin, The Mad Monk, starring Christopher Lee in the title role. The movie poster features a large mug of Lee-as-Rasputin, piercing eyes and all. Perhaps an equally schlocky throwaway book-based-on-the-movie was published at the time. For the purpose of this story, I suppose, it really doesn’t matter. Credibility-wise, the existence of a specific book is the least of Gary’s problems, as far as I’m concerned.

What really matters here is that the cover of the mad-monk book apparently made a deep impression on Gary. According to the fairy tale:
Although Gary Douglas never read it, he remembered seeing the cover of the book with Rasputin’s eyes prominently displayed. He promptly forgot about it until twenty-five years later.
(I added the emphasis on the words, “Gary Douglas never read it,” because it’s relevant to a detail later that pops up later on in the narrative.)

As you’ll soon see, Raz’s eyes play a very important part in this tale.

The turning point
Flash forward to 1987, when, according to Gary, he went to a party and saw a man channeling a being called Bashar. (Whether or not it was this Bashar, channeled by one Darryl Anka, I couldn't begin to tell you.) The story goes that Gary wondered how come that guy could do stuff like this and Gary couldn’t. “He is no better looking than I, he’s no taller, he certainly doesn’t speak any better – he’s from New Jersey,” Gary groused. But that’s all we are told about Gary’s thoughts on the Joisey channeler. The narrative then continues:
Over the years, Gary explored his universe, attending many lectures and reading many books. At one point, he attended a large gathering of people who had come to witness Penny Torres channel a being known as MaFu.

Gary was so profoundly affected that, for an hour or two later, he was unable to talk. As Gary describes it, “I was so far out of my body, I could not find how to use it. Later, all I had to do was think about that night and I would be instantly out of my body.”
Oh. My. God. What a small Whirled. As it happens, Penny Torres, aka Swami Blonde – yet another player in the imaginary-friends industry – has been a source of profound inspiration to me as well, as evidenced here, and here, and here (scroll down to "The blonde leading the gullible"). As a tawdry imitation of Crazy J.Z., Swami Blonde simply can’t be beat. Some worship her, some insist she’s on crack, but you have to admit that she’s very entertaining.

Anyway, apparently Gary eventually recovered from his thunderstruck state after being in the presence of Bad Penny and MaFu. His life was busy and, according to the story, “he didn’t think about it again.” (Uh-huh, I believe that.) Then, about two years later – and by this, I am assuming Gary means two years after he saw the Penny and MaFu show – his sister-in-law, Virginia, came out for a visit from Pennsylvania. Assuming that the fairy tale was told in anything resembling chronological order (which, given Accessories' disregard for such details, is probably an iffy assumption at best), this would have been in 1989 at the earliest, since I’m operating on the assumption that most of this tale takes place after the 1987 party with the Joisey channeler. And presumably there was at least some passage of time between the '87 party and the Penny/MaFu incident. But the story is really quite vague about these details, as such stories often are.

During her visit, Gary's sis-in-law Virginia wanted to visit a channel; I’m sure California was crawling with them at the time, and probably still is. So Gary and his wife arranged for Virginia to visit “a lovely lady” named Yvonne, who channeled a being named Dr. W. According to the story, at one point as Virginia was chatting with Dr. W., she said, “I think someone wants to channel through me.” At once, Dr. W was gone and a being announcing herself as Penelope began speaking. The story continues: “The next day, Gary called Yvonne and asked if she could help bring this being called Penelope in for Virginia, and received a positive response.”

Three nights later, Gary and his wife and Virginia and Yvonne were meditating with friends in Gary's living room. Gary says he suddenly zipped out of his body and floated into the ethers, “trying to pull energy into Yvonne so she could channel Penelope." And then, and then…
“…Suddenly, I see these large eyes looking at me. Whoosh, he was in my body and he started breathing, breathing in and out. Unnerved, I told him to go away, and he finally did. I realized that it was these eyes on the cover of the book, 'The Mad Monk of Moscow' that I had read twenty-five years earlier! I knew nothing about him, just that he was the mad monk of Moscow. Here, my friend is channeling the kind Dr. W., my sister-in-law is channeling sweet little Penelope, and another friend is channeling the archangel Michael. So I get the Mad Monk of Moscow? Maybe you just sort of go oops. Next day, I went to Yvonne’s house and he started making noise again, like getting used to using my vocal chords. The next day, he started talking and he’s been talking ever since.”
Raz is apparently not talking any more, at least not to Gary, but he was still doing so at the time the above was written. Once again I’ve added my own emphasis in that passage. Earlier in the story we were told that Gary didn’t read the mad monk book. The sentence above, however, makes it sound as if he did read the book. Maybe he meant that he just read the cover. (Or maybe he read the book, or at least flipped through it and read some juicy passages, and then "forgot" what he'd read.) I'm thinking that the real issue is that he just needed a better editor for his fairy tale. Again, though, it is probably not relevant, and it's far from the most serious credibility problem this story has.

According to the tale, Gary’s wife, who knew nothing about Rasputin, was curious about him, so she started asking questions of Raz, through Gary, and writing down the answers. Finally Gary’s own curiosity got the better of him, so he “hotfooted it down to the library” to do some research. Amazingly, according to Gary…
“About 80% of the information that Rasputin reported coincided with the textbooks. The other 20% we couldn’t verify, such as how many children he had. With his wife, he had three children. But he had so many mistresses (the boy was definitely into sex, drugs and rock and roll!) that we could never prove whether he had other children or not. So those kinds of things, we couldn’t prove. He talked about where he was born and about his death.”
Some historians believe that Raz was kind of into guys as well as mistresses, but the story doesn't reveal whether Raz let on anything about that to Gary. There have also been conflicting stories about Raz's death (and if you follow that link, be sure to read the section titled, "Recent evidence"). I wonder if Raz set the record straight when he talked to Gary.

Although Gary channeled Rasputin for a couple of years, according to the story, "he often felt mistrusting of him.” In addition to not really trusting Raz, Gary was frustrated by his clients, because when they came for readings they basically wanted Gary to predict their futures for them. Gosh, it’s soooo annoying to a pretend psychic (some would say that “pretend psychic” is a redundancy) when people ask for predictions about specific details that can easily be proven wrong. Far better to stick with the vague and the abstract, and the vaguer, the better. Instead, Gary’s clients would ask silly questions such as, “Where’s my next house?” “Will my next lover have beautiful hair?” Gary finally got fed up and said he didn’t want to be a Ouija board any more. With that, the relationship between Gary and Raz was “put on hold.”

There's a party in my head: more imaginary buds show up
But the voices in his head wouldn’t leave him alone. Gary next worked with “a wise, ancient Chinese man” named Tchtsin. The problem was that Tchtsin talked so softly that others in a group couldn’t hear him. No worries; along came Brother George, a friar from the 14th century, described as “a robust, rowdy kind of guy, who would laugh uncontrollably.” (Probably the way some of you are laughing right about now.)

And then, and then…
In 1990, Gary went away to a meditation camp in Colorado. While there, a group of beings named Novian came in. Never having been human, Novian was very hard on his body. They would take about one breath and talk for twenty minutes, lower Gary’s blood pressure and heartbeat to the point that, on a 92-degree day he would be freezing. He needed to drink several cups of hot tea and wear a down comforter to raise his temperature.
Okay, so we’re in 1990 now. And again, I’m still assuming that we’re moving ahead with the story chronologically. The real significance of Novian appearing at this time in Gary’s life was that “they” began imparting information about the Bars. But back in those days, Gary had no idea what to do with this information, and after a few sessions he exploded, belligerently asking Novian, “You know what? If you can’t give this information through Rasputin, I am not doing it anymore. This f--king hurts, and I’m just not going to do it.”

The very next day, his old buddy Raz returned, and began talking to Gary about what is now known as Access.

According to the fairy tale, it’s important to realize that at this time, Gary was still leery of Raz. Well, yes, of course. Initial leeriness is a crucial element in every imaginary-friends tale, and for that matter, it's a part of virtually every New-Wage guru's frauduct marketing program. Phony skepticism is a huckster's favorite tactic to make even the craziest schemes more credible to the saner world. “I know it sounds crazy…” “I was once skeptical, just like you…” and so on.

Channelers in particular seem to be fond of describing how they initially resisted/were appalled by/were profoundly suspicious of the voices in their heads, but as time went by, they came to accept it as a gift from Spirit, blah-blah-blah. Consider, for instance, the tale of how Esther Hicks got started "receiving," with lots of help and encouragement from hubby Jerry, an ex-carnie type who'd apparently been inspired by Jane Roberts and Seth. In the beginning, Jerry had to push Esther to get into the channeling biz. If you don't know their story, do follow that link.

Maybe it's just me, but those stories of initial skepticism and resistance don't seem all that credible when told by folks who, by their own admission, had observed other channelers and wondered, "Why can't I do that?"

But back to our story. Despite Gary's suspicious mind, Raz was apparently adept at seeing things others couldn’t. One day, according to the tale, a friend contacted Gary and asked if he and Raz would see a lady from Los Angeles for a session.
Rasputin scanned her body and said, “You have a problem with your chest.” Gary could hear her wheezing, and assumed that she had hay fever. Rasputin did his routine with her and told her all of the things that she was going to accomplish in the future to heal herself When he finished the session, she asked if she needed to go back to her doctor. Rasputin said, “Yes, you need to prove to you that you have healed yourself” At the time, Gary thought, “That’s weird. Why would Rasputin care if she went back to her doctor to see if her hay fever was cured?” It didn’t make sense at the time, and he remembered it.
A year later, Gary ran into the friend who’d referred the L.A. lady to him, and he asked how she was doing. Gary’s pal said, “Oh, she recovered from her breast cancer.” Gary was flabbergasted; he’d had no idea! But then he realized that if he had known his friend's friend had anything as serious as breast cancer, “he would not have let the information come through. The liability and the implications would be too great.” Eventually Gary figured out that Raz had altered his, Gary's, hearing and his perceptions so he could work with the lady. (That could have been why Gary heard the woman wheezing, which normally isn’t a symptom of breast cancer.)

The story, I noticed, does not specify whether the woman in fact healed herself of breast cancer, as Raz had predicted, or if she went to her doctor and entered into conventional treatment. To the folks who later became known as Accessories, such trivial details apparently didn’t matter. Details never seem to matter to those who want to believe.

Anyway, at this point Gary decided that he should “stop operating from a place of mistrust and start trusting Raz a little more diligently.” Even so, Raz was not to be completely trusted:
…It didn’t mean he didn’t pay attention or question it. Raz says, “Don’t trust us. If you do, we will lie to you. You are the source for everything…”
Um-kay.

The point, according to the story, is that after hearing about the breast-cancer incident Gary stopped being quite so skeptical and started “allowing a lot more information to come through.” At this time he was describing himself as “a part time closet channel.” But he was still a real estate agent and antiques dealer by day, and he feared that people in Santa Barbara would shun him if they knew what he was doing on the side. The story says that until 1990, he only channeled for out-of-towners who were recommended by friends.

Another major milestone
The year 1990 apparently marked a major turning point for Gary, in more ways than his attendance at that Colorado meditation camp where he first met Novian.
Suddenly, Gary’s real estate business folded. He went from $100,000 year income to $4,000 income. He lost his house, his car, and his “friends” and filed bankruptcy. Wealthy “friends” would no longer talk to him.
Bad times, then. Could it be that his real estate business folded because Gary was so discombobulated by the voices in his head that he couldn’t really do business effectively any more? Could it be that a combination of midlife burnout and years of observation of others' performances had convinced Gary that the bad ventriloquism that is channeling was an easier way to make a buck (especially in a place like California) than selling real estate? Or could it just be that the Universe had grander plans for Gary Douglas?

According to the fairy tale, it was a stroke of “luck” that a friend of Gary’s happened to be taking an entrepreneurs class. He convinced Gary to take it too, recommending that Gary stand up and announce to the people in the class that he was a channel. Gary hesitated, insisting to his friend that it would ruin his business. To which his friend responded, “What business?” So Gary took the plunge and proclaimed his channeling talents to the sixty Santa Barbarians in the class.
Three people walked away, five asked if he meant he had cable TV, and ten asked when and where he worked, who he channeled, and what his fees were. Gary says that was a big lesson. He began to come out of the closet. Ever after, he told people that he is a psychic and a channel.
Gary’s journey was to take more amazing turns. A businessman and client named Ralph, who had been with Gary when the latter was channeling the friar, the Chinese guy, and Novian, invited Gary to go to New York to assist with a channeled massage. Yes, you read that right: that’s massage, not message. Being suspicious, Gary asked, “Do I have to take my clothes off, do I have to touch your body, do I get paid?” None of that homo stuff for Gary, and he sure wasn’t going anywhere to do anything if he didn’t get paid for it.

To his relief, Gary was told that his only job would be to channel information and instructions for Ralph’s massage therapist. Ralph lay on the table and the massage therapist began to work while Rasputin, through Gary, gave instructions about touching points on the head. It turned out not to be a massage after all, but…hold on to your hats… a Bars session. Spooky, huh?

Gary and Ralph went to lunch afterward, and Gary was thinking about what had just happened. He thought to himself, “Oh, this must be a skill for massage therapists.” He was quickly corrected, presumably by Raz.
Suddenly, someone psychically whacked him between the ears with a 2 x 4. “This is a class, you dummy.” “Okay, it’s a class – I got it.” Then he got ‘hit’ again. He had never been hurt before. So he got that it was important.
When he returned to Santa Barbara, Gary gathered four friends together and told them he was going to start a class. Naturally, his pals wanted to know what it was about.
He was stumped. “Energy work?”

“How much does it cost?” they inquired.

“Seventy five dollars?”

“How long is it?” they wanted to know.

“Three nights?”
Notice that when his friends asked him questions, Gary apparently answered their questions with another question – a foreshadowing, perhaps, of the Access credo that questions are empowering, and answers disempowering.

Gary delivered the first Bars class for four people, demonstrating the points on the head. (Do follow that link, and you’ll see a detailed diagram about the "aging toaster" that is your head. Who knew?) Actually it was Raz who delivered the Bars info; Gary was merely the channel. According to the story, Raz always kept Gary’s eyes shut, so Gary walked around the room with his eyes closed the entire time, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

When the class was over, Gary asked his friend Larry what he got from it. Larry said, “Well, it seems to access this and it seems to access this and it seems to access that and ...” Gary thought that was pretty cool. Now he had a name for what he and Raz were doing. And from that day forward, it was called Access.

An end...and a beginning
Like any good teacher, Raz was apparently preparing Gary to eventually strike out on his own. The fairy tale says that Rasputin facilitated the Bars class through Gary for the first six times he taught the class. On the seventh class, Rasputin left midway through and left it up to Gary to teach. And for each class after that, Raz left earlier and earlier and would not return until the end of the class, at which time he would chat about what the students had accomplished.

Couched in all of this, perhaps, is the true made-up story of why Raz finally went away for good. Towards the end of the fairy tale we are told:
Rasputin has become increasingly more silent so people can recognize that the answers are in all of us. As he has offered less information, more and more people have come forward with answers. That has created a whole new possibility…
Now, hold on just a doggone minute. “More and more people have come forward with answers?!?” Aren’t answers the very things that blind us to new possibilities and keep the Universe from delivering all the goodies we want and deserve? Gary himself says so right in this video. Then again, it's possible the Raz tale was written before the leaders of Access discovered that answers are in fact disempowering.

Today, of course, Access is about much more than the Bars. That's only the starting point, much like the "free personality test" offered by Scientologists. These days, progressing in Access will set you back considerably more than $75.00. Some contend that Access didn't really take off till Gary brought the young Dr. Dain Heer into the fold (ca. 2001). It appears, however, that Gary was able to attract some moneyed women to Access in pre-Dain days, such as Curry Glassell, the scion of a well-known Houston philanthropic family. I suspect there's a whole 'nother sad story there. On her facilitator page Curry implies that she's been involved in Access at least since 1996, but, judging from some of the news stories about her fight for her inheritance, it certainly doesn't appear that all life comes to her with Access's storied "ease, joy, and glory."

Some of you might be thinking that there is nothing all that unusual about the Raz story. After all, whole entire mainstream religions, some of which are almost unimaginably rich and very powerful, have been founded on the hallucinations and/or made-up stories of individuals or even groups of people. So why pick on Access? Since I do not want to disempower you, I'll answer that question with another: Why not?

What's important is that you now know more about Access’ Raz-matazz origins. I’m sure Oprah's people and, for that matter, the Lifetime TV folks, will be duly impressed.

PS ~ I’ve probably linked to this before, but here’s some commentary on one of Gary Douglas’s 2007 TV appearances. Apparently he fooled some Aussie TV producers into thinking he was a doctor who had some sort of expertise on autism. They weren’t fooled for long, though.

* I'm not suggesting Rasputin is entirely imaginary; he was of course a historical character. I am suggesting that the relationship between Raz and Gary Douglas is the product of an abundantly rich imagination.

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Monday, June 28, 2010

Not a good week for hustledorks

While I'm working on finishing yet another Access piece, I want to do my part to spread some recent news. I'm late to this party only in announcing these items here on this Whirled; I did announce them on my Twitter page last week and have been participating in the discussions on other blogs as well.

First up is the news regarding our favorite Blunder From Down Under, aka The Wanker of Oz, aka David Gary Schirmer. Last week it was announced that the Australia Securities & Investment Commission, ASIC, which is the Oz equivalent of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has banned David Schirmer for life from providing financial services. According to the piece on the ASIC site...

ASIC found that between August 2004 and December 2006 Mr Schirmer:

  • provided financial services on behalf of another person who carried on a financial services business while not being authorised to do so
  • engaged in conduct in relation to a financial product or financial service that was misleading or deceptive, or was likely to mislead or deceive
  • failed to act in accordance with representations made by him to participants in the 2005 and 2006 Platinum programs
  • made false statements to participants in the 2005 and 2006 Platinum programs, and
  • engaged in dishonest conduct.

David Schirmer had been under investigation by the ASIC for quite some time, and nearly a year and a half ago, as reported right here on this very blog, he wrote a blog post announcing that he had been "cleared" by the agency. He added that he was going to proceed to sic the "best defamation barristers" on some of the people who had accused him of wrongdoing or had reported on those accusations. He said he was looking forward to "this interesting journey." And it probably has been interesting, come to think of it. A few days later, however, he modified the wording to that blog post, and finally removed it altogether.

During the time that David was busily fighting the good fight against his detractors, one tactic he used was to claim that said detractors had violated the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA). This was his way of getting various damning videos about him removed from YouTube. Those segments from the Aussie tabloid show "A Current Affair," for example, were just so annoying, you see. Schirmer apparently invoked the DMCA to claim that he owned the rights to the vids, and most were taken down, only to pop up elsewhere, on other sites. (Google them; I won't provide links here.) One of the folks against whom Schirmer filed his false DMCA claims was my pal Salty Droid, but that didn't make a dent in the Droid's resolution to expose scammers, and certainly didn't stop SD from reporting on David's latest misfortune, which he duly did on June 24.

Even so, I wouldn’t put anything past Schirmer in his attempt to salvage his New-Wage/hypoChristian career. The U.S., alas, is still a pretty open market. As I noted in a conversation on Twitter just the other day, the ban won’t keep David Schirmer out of the biz. He can still hawk his frauducts (as Salty would call them) — in the U.S. as well as in Oz. And if he doesn’t try to blame Satan or a so-called “scorned woman” for the ASIC’s actions — as he has for nearly all of his other troubles — he might pull a Kevin True-dough and simply use the ban as a marketing tool: “My programs worked TOO well. I was making too many people rich, and THEY don’t want you to be rich, so they’re trying to silence me.”

And, sadly, some people will buy that. Yes, even now.

But maybe the ASIC ban will put a little bit of a pinprick in his balloon.

* * * * *

In other news, a project that has been nearly nine months in the making finally appears to be coming to fruition. On June 25, SHAMblog's Steve Salerno announced on his blog that ABC will air an hour-long special "devoted entirely to James Arthur Ray, magical thinking, and the oft-overlooked dangers of the New Age." The show airs Tuesday, June 29, at 10:00 PM EDT on most ABC stations.

Steve says ABC first contacted him about these matters last fall, and adds that he covered a great deal of ground during lengthy sitdowns with Senior Producer Miguel Sancho at his (Steve's) home, and anchor/reporter Dan Harris in New York. Dan Harris, as you may recall, was the lucky chap who got to cover a Joe Vitale Rolls-Royce Mastermind session.

For several reasons, I am looking forward to viewing this special, which was originally intended to be a 20/20 episode but now is being aired as part of the network's Primetime/Mind Games series. Here's a link to the teaser page for tomorrow night's episode. Whether this turns out to be the ultimate exposé or not — and judging from the story on that teaser page, it looks to be mostly a rehash of the same story that's been told numerous times already — at least ABC is going to mention Colleen Conaway's (non-sweat-lodge-but-still-James-Ray-related) death, so already this looks to be a more responsible show than the NBC Dateline special a couple of weeks ago. (Steve Salerno says he has been assured that on the actual show, the lens will be a bit wider than it appears on the web page. He adds that some outtakes from the sessions will be on ABC's Nightline tonight (11:35 PM EDT).

Now go out and have a wonderful evening, Dear Ones, but please, don't slip and fall in the Schadenfreude.

PS added 30 June 2010 ~ I was pleasantly surprised by ABC's June 29 Mind Games episode, and not just because the producers gave my pal Steve Salerno some quality air time. It was also amusing to see a couple of New-Wage hustledorks cornered and flustered, even if momentarily. (And Hoshun the Russian Wish Dolly even got some face time!) Although I'd halfway expected a fluff piece, I think it was quite good, overall. As Steve noted on Twitter, Dan Harris was brilliant. Judging by some of the comments on ABC's web site, some of the hustledorks' fans have a different opinion.

Here's a link to a piece on the ABC site that features highlights from the episode. And here's a link to a page where you can view the entire episode.

Just to balance things out, I suppose, ABC ran a separate little fluff-ish piece with footage from Joe Vitale's January 2010 Rolls-Royce Mastermind session with a fitness model. Joe seemed more in his element during that one, but got visibly rattled during the subsequent sit-down with Dan Harris, snippets of which were incorporated into the Mind Games episode.

Anyway, kudos to Dan and producers Miguel Sancho and Kimberly Brown for a fine piece. As Steve also noted on Twitter, they really kicked Dateline's butt on this one.

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Thursday, June 24, 2010

Now Heer this: Top ACCESSory woos Oprah!


Note: I've added a few snippets to this post since I first published it on June 24. For the convenience of those who read the original, I posted the additions in this lovely cyan shade.
~CC, 26 June 2010

I am so excited to let you guys know that I'm auditioning to have my own show on the
Oprah Winfrey Network...would you be willing to vote online for me? You can vote as many times as they like and you can also vote every day! How does it get better than this?!?! I am so grateful to be doing this...here's the link, check it out...what change can we create in the world? What are the infinite possibilities?
~Access Consciousness co-leader Dain Heer to his online fans

to all: dain is a dreamer......truly in the catagory of a john lennon.......and like lennon puts his dreams on the line i.e. allows himself to be vulnerable to the world.....to be transformed by the world. And as a result, we, the people who get the chance to meet him become transformed. Dain is all about showing us how to live in oneness......how to be in communion with ourselves.......and with each other, with nature and the planet......by allowing this man to have ACCESS to his own television show might be a dangerous thing.....dangerous to people who resist change......dangerous to the status quo and global elite..... a dain heer show will be like watching a tsunami of consciousness waving people to open up to their own true nature living life more fully, less afraid, less violent to themselves, to others.......more loving of themselves and others....more happy, more joyful. have you ever wondered how different the world might be if john lennon were still alive? let dain show the people how being them can change the world....
~ Posted by a fan on Dain Heer's Oprah audition page, 6/20/10

As many of you surely know, the Big O, king- and queen-maker extraordinaire, is holding a huge contest to find the next major TV star for her Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN). The come-on page says:

DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?
Oprah and reality TV super producer Mark Burnett (Survivor
TM & The ApprenticeTM) are joining forces in search of the next big TV star. Do you have a big personality and a big dream for yourself? This could be your BIG BREAK - the chance of a lifetime to host your own TALK show...on OWN. If you think you have "IT" - upload your video audition or go to an open casting call. You can also help decide who wins - keep coming back right here to view auditions and vote for your favorites.

And the people have come, by the thousands and thousands. Many have sent in video auditions and many others are flocking to the open casting calls held at various Kohl's department stores (co-sponsors of the contest).

Among those vying for the type of Big Break that only Oprah can deliver is Dr. Dain Heer, second in command at Access Consciousness, the cultish sex and money org I wrote about most recently on my June 12 post (and have written about numerous other times, a couple of the more recent examples being here and here).

Dain is auditioning for an O-show under the category of "Health & Wellbeing." When I checked his audition page just a few moments ago, he had 7,862 views and 30, 489 votes (there were 27,251 votes when I checked earlier today). That might seem like a lot till you compare it to the top contenders, such as a wheelchair-bound "lady magnet" named Zach who is trying out for the "Wildcard" category and currently has well over a million views and more than 7.8 million votes. In Dain's own category of Health & Wellbeing there's Jacqueline, with nearly 1.2 million views and more than four million votes. (Apparently some people really are voting early and often.)*

Here is Dain's audition page link. And here's his profile page.

And below are some things you probably won't read on his audition page or his profile page.

Access as a sex and money machine
In the more than three years that I have been blogging about Access, I've heard from numerous people who have had firsthand experience with Access or are close to people who are members. Some of the former were involved with the organization for several years. One who claimed to have once been "hooked," to the tune of several thousand dollars a year, recently shared some interesting insights, which I have been given permission to quote here. This person wrote, "I was a participant for some years until I realized how much of a drain Access was on my bank account, and [I became aware of] the structure in place that keeps bleeding your wallet." The writer continued:

You'll see in the body of [an ACCESS sales pitch this person forwarded to me] (that) it says HDIGABTT? That stands for "How does it get any better than that'? which is one of the 'tools' taught in Access where you ask for better and to be open to receive more.

[I know I linked to this in my previous post but it's worth linking to again; it's a short vid of Access founder Gary Douglas giving an example of how this "tool" supposedly works. ~CC]

One of the main 'thrusts' (excuse the pun) in the sex related classes was to honor your body. Concluding that if you are married or in a relationship and you NEED to have sex with someone else to honor yourself - then it was OK (just don't go about hurting the other by 'airing' your laundry!) [In other words, sneak around. Jeez, THAT'S an original idea. ~ CC] This concept and teaching had great impact on class participants feeling freer about having sex and having sex outside their relationships. There was good information too - like having no judgments about your partner and your partner's body and having no expectations on your partner. Giving up the give and take in sex (your turn my turn, you did this so now I have to do that) and create more of exchange in gifting touch and affection etc.

Regarding Dain Heer, this person wrote, "Women of all ages are somehow infatuated with him... He has a sexual draw and most want the experience of getting into bed with him." And this, from a subsequent email: "It was my observation that without Dain the classes would be smaller. I saw him as the attractant that kept many woman and some men continuing to sign up for more classes and participanting. (Yes, partici-pant-ing!)"

Ugh. Count me out.

Dain has apparently become quite the sexpert, expanding his shtick beyond the Access community. In this podcast on Dr. Patti Taylor's Expanded Lovemaking site, Dain waxed profound on how one can have more sex, orgasms, fun and money in one's life. "Just listening to Dain will wake up your senses!" enthused Dr. Taylor. Among other things, Dain 'splains how you can increase the chances that you'll get to boink a person who has caught your eye. You need to be very specific about your intentions:

What I’d like to do is I’d actually like to copulate with this person, then you have more of a chance of creating it because you’re not saying you want to have sex with them, which is I want to have this interaction of this really cool energy, you’re saying, “I’d like to put our body parts together.” And when you’re clear on what you ask for, then you can receive it. Which is another part of today’s show which we’ll get to later.

You really owe it to yourself to follow the link above. And don't worry; you don't have to actually listen to the podcast. A transcript is conveniently provided on the page.

But Access is not just a vehicle to get Dain laid (oops, I mean, to enable him to rub his body parts together with wimmen all over the world). It is also, apparently, a burgeoning money machine, at least for Dr. Dain and Gary Douglas. I'll let my correspondent have the floor (or the screen) again:

Access has classes (very expensive classes). You start with Foundation (with any licensed facilitator $600) and then you are eligible to take Level 1 with any licensed facilitator for another $600. This makes you eligible to take levels 2 & 3 for $1,800, taught exclusively by Gary Douglas and/or Dain Heer. I believe Dain Heer is the only person in the 10 years I know of that has been allowed to teach a level 2/3 class. If you repeat any class with 18 months you pay 1/2 price. If you don't attend any for 18 months you must pay full price again and must start from Foundation again. It used to be that all repeat classes were 1/2 price after you took one of each. When the new ruling of the 18 months was put into place - I finally saw the money grubbing structure and the underlining money machine behind all this. Add to that any one-on-one sessions with the top guru and/or Dain costing about $250/hr then. They could be charging $400/hr now -- I don't know.

Oops ...and if Gary re-does (updates) Foundation - then it's mandatory you take the new version or you can't qualify be a facilitator teaching it.

Facilitators teach the course for $600 and get to keep it all (last I knew)

There's a drive to have you become a facilitator - make money - bring fresh people into the Access club and they invariably move on to spend all the rest of their money with Gary and Dain. Now... maybe Steve Comer too. (an attractive -attractant-new guy who hit tops ranks real quick and does body work)... [See the second footnote for more on Steve Comer. ~CC]

Once you have taken each of these basic classes WITHIN 18 months - a $3000 investment in class work ( you are now eligible to be INVITED to the 7 day intensive in Costa Rica, costing $2950 plus your cost of airfare. Everyone wants to go to Costa Rica. It's talked about all year long and it drives you to complete the course work so you can be invited.

To become a facilitator - you have to take each class twice ($6000 in costs) and then pay $3200 for the facilitator course plus your airfare to Costa Rica.

I suspect by now -- that Access has grown -- that Gary and Dain must be raking in huge chunks of money. Nothing wrong with making oodles of money - but they are not saying much that isn't already out there in some form or another since the days of Jesus, certainly since the turn of the last century.

And we get hooked...

In a subsequent email my correspondent wrote:

When you become a facilitator you are given a certificate. You might notice that the letters CFMW follow facilitators' names. It stands for CERTIFIED F-----G MIRACLE WORKER. You must re-take facilitator class EVERY year to keep up your license (another part of that money machine).
Wow. CFMW. That is almost as impressive as a faux-doctorate. Needless to say, Dr. Dain's impressive credentials include CFMW. A quick glance at the facilitators page on the Access site reveals that there are currently nearly 100 certified Access facilitators, not counting Dain and Gary, who presumably don't have to pay the yearly $3,200 fee to maintain their loon credentials (not $600.00, as I had previously written). Some listings show couples, and I'm assuming that each individual has to pay the fee, but I don't know. Conservatively, Access brings in $320,000 a year just in facilitator fees.

You also have to pay to get your listing on the Access web site. Currently Access Practitioners and Bars Facilitators pay $200 a year, while those f-----g miracle workers, the Certified Practitioners, must cough up $300 annually. "Oh, but Cosmic Connie," you might be saying, "that's pretty cheap, considering that you not only get a listing on the main facilitators page, but you also get an entire profile page to yourself. That's an ad that will be seen by people all over the planet!" Considering the probable odds against someone other than Gary and Dain actually being able to make a decent income as an Access facilitator, though (more about that below), I'd say that's a pretty expensive ad for many folks.

Of course, compared to the likes of James "Death" Ray, the figures listed above aren't so extravagant. I suppose it's too bad for Gary and Dain that they didn't get on the Secret gravy train so they could jack up their prices like crazy, the way James did. Still, the money you have to put out for a full complement of Access classes is no trivial amount for most people. And if Dain is successful in his Oprah bid and his show becomes a hit, look for the prices to get jacked up even more. Numbers aside, Access apparently uses the standard New-Wage business model of getting people hooked enough to sign up for an endless series of classes and events. My correspondent wrote:

...There were many hooks used by both Gary and Dain. Gary was obvious and shameless about his manipulations. We were often asked by Gary, Dain and other Accessories, "You want to be clear of your issues about sex and money - don't you? You need to be able to receive!!! [You] need to keep coming to classes to clear the blocks of receiving or you can't receive that promotion, more money, love in your life and great sex, etc."

What...conscious seeking person wouldn't want to take as many classes as possible to clear out all the energies, programs, systems, implants, explants, hidden secret agendas, etc. that are in the way of them having a great and glorious life with lots of money, extended orgasms, lots of good sex, etc. "Gee... if you don't come to class it must be that you are unconscious and don't want change to have a better life. You must be choosing the shit for life you have now."

Another hook was the clearing statements. Gary originally and then Gary & Dain together would come up with what they said were new more powerful clearing statements -- all the time. So if you missed classes or workshops you didn't get the 'clearings' from these new and great clearing statements and you didn't have them to process yourself with or process your clients (if you had any).

While I was participating I observed many accessories try to make a 'go' of doing Access facilitation to create income. Most could not and no facilitator was raking in the money like Dain.**

Now, if you don't want to invest in an endless series of classes, you can still be a part of the gang, via the Access Consciousness Membership club. There's a silver level ($57 a month) and a gold level ($97 a month), billed automatically to your credit card. As another one of my favorite correspondents sarcastically noted when sending me the Membership Club link, "But I just want you to know it was really, really hard for the humanoids to price the silver and gold club because their basic nature is to just gift it away." Again, these prices are quite modest when you compare them to those in the top tier of the industry. James Ray's World Wealth Society, for example, cost $60,000 a year. Still, modest or not, the membership fees do potentially add up to a tidy sum for a couple of folks, anyway.

Want some proof that Access "works?" Oh, you skeptic, you. Just look at this giddy testimonial from "Susanna M," currently featured in the "Testimonials" section at the bottom of the page on the Access web site:

I now also acknowledge the genious [sic] I am for choosing the parents that i have choosen [sic]. They treat me like a princess and give me everything. They treat me like royalty when I visit them and now I receive it and am not jugding [sic] me anymore for receiving everything and still asking for more and especially asking for a different living than they have choosen [sic]:-) I realized how amazing I am ... Thank you Gary Douglas for you, the genious [sic] you are, the gift and all you are willing to be and contribute. You changed me, my life, my parents, my family and just about everything And i have to add the question, "What else is possible?" what more magic is possible? what invitation to something greater and different can i be? I have only just started ... :-) Many, many kisses and hugs to you beautiful being!!

Other folks aren't so enchanted. A few days ago I received an email from yet another correspondent who graciously gave me permission to quote at length.

Someone just sent me a link to your writings about Access…..very interesting….i got involved, took the classes about five months ago, and have decided to no longer participate….some of it is useful….wise to be heftily discerning though….they actively teach how to pull others’ energy and how to put thoughts in other people’s heads….they do this to fill their classes and to get the responses they want….many involved in Access have no idea this is being done to them….i had a number of experiences that shocked and disturbed me….a particular teacher of Access was “running my bars” and I began to get these thoughts of writing her a check for $1200.00 and I felt almost compelled to do so….only problem was that I didn’t own any checks and never wrote checks….i use cash or debit so why was I having this strange and strong urge to write such a check?….that was a big clue and was my saving grace….i realized something was going on….imagine my incredible irritation when I went to the next class and in the manual is a section titled “putting thoughts in other people’s heads”….no kidding!....it actually goes on to explain how to do this using “I” as in “I want to take your Access class”, as opposed to “you” or “you want to take my Access class”, so the other person will think it is really their thought….this is a real example from the class manual!

....in class they talked about doing this with sex also….putting the thought “I want to have sex with him/her” in someone else’s head….most of the people going to the classes have no idea of the extent to which they are being manipulated….their energy is being greatly pulled….i have seen a number of people have seemingly amazing change while they are “targeted” by Access, usually to open a new pasture to market and use, only to see them fall flat when that field has been plowed and Access moves onto another untapped population….that happened to me when they wanted me to take Access into my professional field….i got phone calls and my energy was being pulled for this….i was getting that “compelled” feeling….but I realized I personally wasn’t interested in doing that and I didn’t go for it….i could tell exactly when they moved on….the energy was gone, there was no more pull, there was no more being “compelled”, and no more “friendly” phone calls….thank goodness!....i shudder to think what i might have done if i hadn’t realized it wasn’t me wanting all of that to happen!....and to them, this is Consciousness….to me, it’s very sad…

they are now making a big bid for dain to have his own show thru Oprah’s current contest….if his entry wins and he gets his own show, it should air with some sort of advisory warning!!

Whether or not one believes that people really can exercise the type of thought control that this correspondent wrote about, surely it is worthy of note that it is apparently one of the "skills" taught in Access classes. People in Access are taught to develop "Consciousness" and total awareness (which, presumably, will them to have more control over their own lives and happiness). At the same time, they're taught methods to control other people's thoughts and actions. Shades of those New-Wage hustledorks who sell you products and workshops that will show you how to be truly "awakened" and in charge of your life, and yet also hawk information that will supposedly help you control other people so they will go into mad buying trances and fork over all their money and otherwise do your bidding. I'm just sayin'...

In a subsequent email the correspondent I quoted above wrote:

...there is a whole lot of money being made thru Access. there always, always, always seems to be another latest, greatest, newly discovered process or some such. an example: i just received a postcard today stating "When Gary revised Foundation and Level 1, they accelerated into resembling how Levels 2 & 3 used to be. Now Levels 2 & 3 go beyond where Costa Rica used to go! Wouldn't you love to know what's possible now?" (Costa Rica is like their "ultimate" gathering and you supposedly have to be "invited" to attend)...anyone considering participating should be aware: use for entertainment purposes only, if that. it's quite a twirl-o-whirl and, of course, you have to keep going to get the latest and greatest. i noticed right off the bat that everyone involved sounded exactly alike. they all say the same thing, over and over. i remember thinking, "gosh, i don't ever want to sound like them". i'm really glad i got a good inside peek into what is really happening and i'm really glad it's not happening to me. there are so many people who are quite involved and yet have no idea what's actually occurring.

colorado is the current hot spot of growth, as well as sweden and even turkey. as far as the money aspect goes....i don't have a problem with anyone making money for themselves. i do have a problem when you're actively pulling my energy and putting thoughts into my head to do so, all the while calling it "Consciousness". i don't want that done to me and i don't want to do that to others. and if you're going to do all that, you'd better make sure you're conscious and skilled enough to not let me catch you at it! as for my [previous] example: if you need/want $1200.00, just ask me for it. maybe i'll say yes, maybe i'll say no. perhaps i'll give a bit. but it's pretty low to try to twist my head instead of being straightforward and, well, conscious! sometimes those who claim to be so evolved are, sadly, not.

Some of you might be thinking that all of this is NBD. After all, as selfish-help orgs go, Access is still pretty small potatoes, just another standard Scientology ripoff with a bit of est, a smidgen of hippie mores, and a few proprietary quirks thrown in for good measure. And so what if a few slimy guys and zaftig gals are getting laid because of it? Access is barely a blip on the New-Wage radar. Yet for some reason I just keep on blogging about it. Good Goddess, it's almost as if some of the Accessories are putting the thoughts in my head, making me write these words...

What I continue to find so snarkworthy about Access is that it seems to turn people into giddy, giggly, childlike beings who have the attention span, as well as the thinking skills, of gnats. Not that either point matters much to Accessories, as thinking is frowned on in Access, and people are encouraged to live in "10-second increments." In any case, many Accessories seem to be pretty honest about Access being weird and wacky, but truly, that is a badge of honor to them. And unlike many in New-Wage culture, if you accuse Access members of "magical thinking," they're likely to take it as a compliment rather than the criticism it is intended to be. Accessories proudly embrace "magic," and Dr. Dain is gearing up for a worldwide teleconference on that very subject.

Getting away from the merely snarkworthy, what I find more disturbing is that Access seems to transform folks into irresponsible, sexually promiscuous, morally ambiguous beings whose highest calling seems to be to throw more money at Gary Douglas and Dain Heer (and apparently, in many cases, to hurl their bodies at the latter as well). I can well imagine the utter frustration of trying to do business with someone who is heavily into Access's "teachings" (and yes, I've heard stories), even as I can imagine the pain of loving someone who abandons a twenty-year marriage to go off in search of brainless bliss via the "All-Life-Comes-to-Me-With-Ease-Joy-and-Glory" Express (and I've heard several sad stories about that too, some of which I haven't shared here). More and more folks are coming forward with their own tales of Access-related havoc. Still, the Accessory population must be pretty small overall, because so far, I seem to be about the only person blogging critically about them.

But let's get back to tomorrow's big TV star, Dr. Dain. My formerly-hooked-on-Access correspondent wrote:

During classes and workshops (that Dain did not lead) he, Dain, would be in the back of the room doing private sessions all day long. Gary would plug Dain's healing abilities and awarenesses stating how much greater he had become in a short time. People flocked to get Dain's body work (the men too). If Gary didn't plug Dain so much in the early years - I wonder if he would be where he is now.

...Without Gary, the Access machine, Gary's mentoring (whatever that included) and Gary's plugs, Dain might [still] be a broke depressed suicidal chiropractor in the outskirts of Santa Barbara.

Indeed, as I wrote about Dain in my February 1 post:

He has described himself as being pretty much an unhappy loser before he discovered ACCESS, but just look at him now. Dr. Dain seems to have truly become a sex starlet in the New-Wage industry. And it's not just the young ones like Summer and Rikka who are enchanted; apparently gals of all ages love him and his body workshops.

He's come a long way, baby. And he and Gary are continuing to infest more mainstream media. They are scheduled to appear on the Lifetime TV show, The Balancing Act, on Wednesday, June 30 (7:00-8:00 AM ET/PT) . They'll be promoting their book, Right Riches for You. Gary and Dain, gushes the bubbly blond host, will tell you how to get your money to work for you instead of you working for your money. But, as one of of my correspondents remarked, "Perhaps the book they are promoting should be titled Right Riches for Us or Right Riches for Gary & Dain instead of Right Riches for You."

So, tell us, Oprah, do ya think Dain has what it takes to become your next big TV star?

PS ~ Since we're on the topic of Access looniness, I figured some of you might be interested in something I found out about the Rasputin mystery. What really "happened" with Rasputin and Access? Once upon a time, Gary Douglas claimed that he initially “received” Access from a being of light called Novian, via the very late and very infamous Russian mystic. Today, however, you don't see Grigori R mentioned anywhere on the Access sites. Gary himself, in a comment he wrote to one of my Access posts, wrote that “Rasputin went away five years ago.” But I wanted to know the real story (and keep in mind that I use the word "real" with serious reservations). So I asked my formerly-hooked correspondent, who replied:

One day in class (some years ago already) Gary simply said he won't be channeling Rasputin anymore. He didn't get into the 'why' of it. He used to end the Level 2/3 classes with a Rasputin channeling, where participants asked Rasputin questions. I don't know if Gary has dropped Raz (as he called him) from the origins history... As I look over the current websites (accessbeing.com, access4oneness.com, accessconsciousness.com) there is no mention of the Raz origins. In fact their offical website was www.accessraz.com - which 'is' no more. It's possible Raz is mentioned in some of my old Access printed materials. Certainly I have Gary channeling Raz on some of the hundreds of CD's I have.

Of course this still raises the question of just why Raz split. Did he break it off, or did Gary? Was Raz jealous of Dain? Was Dain jealous of Raz? My correspondent later wrote, "I came across a few pages of text that laid out the Access beginnings and Raz." I'll share those juicy details in my next Access post, so stay tuned.

In any case, don't be so sure that all of the Raz-matazz will be a deterrent in the Oprah competition. After all, Oprah apparently adores Esther and Jerry Hicks, who have pulled off that whole imaginary-friends thing for so many years.

PS added later ~ Alas, Gary failed in his Oprah bid. But NBD: Access continues unabated. And here's the link to the real story about Gary Douglas and Raz.

*Even so, Dain is doing considerably better, viewership-wise and voter-wise, than some of the newer entrants in the Big O contest, such as ventriloquist Bonita Joy Yoder and her wooden sidekick and even more wooden "guest," a New-Wage nature gal who yammers about energy and vortexes. (Memo to Bonita: I don't know much about ventriloquism, but I believe that to make the illusion work you are supposed to disguise the arm action as well as your lip movements.)
** Some think that
failed med student Steve Comer, the man with the strategic eyelids, may be the next Dain Heer. Steve, who, naturally, teaches "Body Classes" and does "body work," does have that certain smarmy sumpin' sumpin' about him. So in the unlikely event that Dain gets swept away to the Land of O and gets too big for his Access britches, perhaps Steve can slither right into Dr. D's spot at the right hand of Gary the Father Almighty.

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Saturday, June 12, 2010

Access asks: Are you humanoid, or merely human?

Back in February of this year I wrote a post about my favorite sex cult, Access Consciousness, and its "Ocean 300" (not to be confused with Ocean 3000) scheme to help the world's endangered seas. The plan is to get a boat, load a bunch of Accessories on it – 300 or so, I'm guessing from the project's name – and take them out to a remote area of the high seas, where they will be tossed to the hungry Kraken, thus invoking the punch line of an old joke about lawyers. Oh, I am just kidding. Who would want to do that to the poor Kraken? A Kraken could choke on all that cleavage and silliness. Besides, I don't honestly wish the Accessories any harm. The real plan is to send them out to an area of the Pacific that is being threatened by a huge glob of plastic, and the Accessories will use the special molecular-rearrangement skills they learned through Access to transform the glob into something harmless and fish-friendly. It's all set to happen some time in 2011.


There is apparently a belief among Accessories that Gary Douglas, ex-Realtor and founder of Access, can turn bad wine into good and perform other seemingly miraculous transformations by using those special molecular-rearrangement skills I mentioned. Supposedly these skills can be taught to others, hence the Ocean 300 project. (Actually the technical terms, according to Access, are "molecular demanifestation" and "demolecular manifestation." You can learn it for free if you go back in time about nine days (as I write this).)

Of course this just raises the question, and I'm not the first to ask it, about why Gary and friends don't gather a boatload of Accessories to go out to the Gulf of Mexico right now and take care of that pesky oil spill. Now, I know that the Joe'oponopono folk are all over that one, and I wrote about that just the other day, but it seems to me that molecular rearrangement is a more immediate way of dealing with the problem because it addresses it at a very basic physical level. Forget connecting with Source and trusting that Source will magically clear away the mess; just roll up your sleeves and tinker with those darn molecules yourself! A no-brainer, if you ask me.

If you've been with me for any length of time, you know how deeply fond I am of Access. Prior to the February 2010 post I had blogged about Access numerous times, most recently in October of 2009, when I told the story of a man whose twenty-year marriage was ripped apart when his wife became involved with Access. Access actually made its debut on this Whirled on June 6, 2007, and had an encore appearance on June 12 of the same year. I mentioned it again in May of 2008 (scroll down to the second item, "Warning: ACCESSories on the loose"); and then again the following July (scroll down to second item, "ACCESS: It just gets worse"). Even though these posts are all tagged, I'm providing these links here because clicking on any one of the tags does not seem to provide a comprehensive result. Blogger glitch, I guess.

Anyway. One of the latest Access gimmicks that has been brought to my attention is a new-ish site dedicated to a Very Special Group of beings known as humanoids. Humanoids live among us but are different in many essential ways from the ordinary humans traipsing all over this planet. While there is nothing actually wrong with being an ordinary human, and this isn't about judging someone for being merely human, humanoids are clearly way more cool.

The story goes that Gary Douglas became aware of the human/humanoid split about ten years ago, and that belief has been part of Access teachings ever since. I really don't know how he discovered this marvelous secret; perhaps he heard it from his old buddy Rasputin (who, I understand, has since left the Access building). Or maybe Johnny Walker told him, or possibly he discovered it one weekend when he had too many brownies. I suppose it's not all that important. Anyhow, my understanding is that Accessories believe that of all the people on Earth right now, 49% are dazzlingly innovative and forward-thinking humanoids, and the remaining 51% are hopelessly prosaic humans. Humanoids on Earth look pretty much like ordinary folk, though you wouldn't know this at first glance at the apparently Access-blessed Are You Humanoid site. Drawing heavily on a massively popular movie, right down to the pirated borrowed artwork, the site is operated by one Stephen Outram, who, just between you and me, seems to have his nose firmly implanted in Gary Douglas'...well, all I can say is that it's a good thing Gary doesn't have a Na'vi-type tail, as some of his devotees would almost certainly get tangled up in it.

I imagine that for as long as there have been people, there have been those who believed fervently that they were part of a Very Special Group. For the past few decades, however, it has been almost de rigeur among members of some New-Wage or McSpirituality groups to believe that they are part of a special subset of humanity that will lead the planet into a new era/the next step of evolution/the great galactic shift, etc. Even if one has doubts about one's own prowess, it is apparently required by New-Wage law these days to believe that one's children are exceptionally gifted. Accessories seem to be just as susceptible to the belief in their own Very Specialness as any other New-Wagers.

I am guessing that by now you are jumping up and down with excitement, wondering whether you are human or humanoid. You certainly can't tell by looking in the mirror. So how do you find out for sure? Well, cease your jumping and get your mouse-clicking finger ready. You can take a quiz right here that will tell you if you're part of the elite humanoid group. Once you submit your results, you'll get a personalized email from Stephen Outram's spambot, who apparently has trouble with its tenses and with conjugating certain verbs. Here is what the message will most likely say:

Hello [your name goes here],
I hope you enjoyed the "Are You Humanoid? Quiz." My name is Stephen Outram and I've put together some information for you, about humanoids. I hope you enjoy it and thanks again for participating.

Humanoids ... an introduction
About ten years ago Gary Douglas, the founder of
Access Consciousness
, realized there were two species living on the Earth ... humans and humanoids. Through his classes and seminars, he has being opening the door for humanoids to see another possibility. How did we get to be so lucky to have Gary show up in our lives?

Gary gives the example of horses and cows living together in the same pasture. They look similar but are very different. He jokes that horses don't try to be cows, to fit-in and be the same. Humanoids have been trying to be humans for a very long time. What's is going to take to change that? Gary says we're cute but sometimes not very bright.

Humanoids are different to humans and when I finally got the difference I be, it was like a brilliant light bulb had turned-on in my world. I realized, perhaps for the first time, that I was not so screwed-up as I thought I was and there was nothing wrong with me ... despite what I have been told. Every humanoid I explain the concept of human-humanoid to, gets it straight-away because deep down they already know. They shut-off this knowing in order to try and fit-in and be human. The only way you can do that is to dynamically cut-off your awareness of who you truly be. And please get this! There is nothing wrong with being a human; don't use that as a place of judgment. There are simply two species living on Earth and both are different, live their lives differently and prefer different things. The difficulty for humanoids is that they are trying to be human, when they're not. Humanoids create most of the change in the world; they are the seekers of something different; something greater. Humanoids are rarely satisfied with the status quo and love to change and transform things just because they can, and because it's fun for them.

What follows are a few ideas about humanoids. If you'd like to find out more, get yourself to one of Gary Douglas' classes. I've provided some contact information at the end.

Humanoids being Human
As a Humanoid, you can run into difficulties when trying to be human. When you try to be what your not, it can destroy you and your body, especially when you think you are human and are unaware of your humanoidness. "How many ways have you bent, folded and mutilated you to try to be something that you're not?" [says Gary Douglas].
[Definitely a child of the sixties, that Gary Douglas. "Bent, folded, and mutilated" is, of course,
a reference to ancient computer/punch card technology and a famous bumper-sticker slogan from the late sixties/early seventies. ~CC] How can you tell the difference between the two species? Well, when you meet someone, just ask this question, "Is this a human?" and you'll know! The energy of a human is perceived as denser; humanoids feel lighter.

Money
Humanoids rarely work for money. That's not what motivates them. Humanoids like to create things and have someone simply receive it. All a humanoid artist desires is for someone to truly enjoy the gift of their art. Once someone gets it, then the artist is done and off to create the next piece. Humanoids struggle to place a monetary value on their creations and don't really understand why that is so important to most people. Often, it's hard to get a humanoid to receive money for what they do so easily, that everyone else finds hard. We're cute, but not bright ... right?

[A correspondent who is also an Access-watcher noted in a recent email to me, "But [Gary] Douglas was just boasting of raising his seminar fees in a recession. He seems to have no difficulty putting a monetary value on his work." ~CC]

Sex
Humanoids do sex primarily for recreation and not procreation. Hey! it's meant to be fun. If you are married to a human, you may find that sex drops-off dramatically after children are born. Humanoids may tend to change partners and positions often. Missionary? What's that? Humanoids have a capacity for sex that is based on fun, play and the question, "What else is possible?" Rabbit sex doesn't really work for a humanoids who often prefer long, slow and ...
[The ellipses are Stephen's, not mine. Perhaps he was at a loss for words. It's just as well, though. I find that I don't want to spend too much time imagining Accessories having sex. ~CC]

Asking your body who it would like to have sex with and who would be nurturing and fun for it. This may provide a completely different possibility for you. [Naturally this provides a sound philosophical basis for promiscuity. Sexually bored with your dull human mate? Seek out experiences with some of your fellow humanoids. But be sure to first ask your body if that's what it really wants. ~CC]

Bodies
Humanoid bodies are different to [sic] human bodies. They are generative and capable of living beyond the normal life-span. Ask your body, "Body, how long would you like to live?" Oh, yes, you can talk to your body. It is conscious and will communicate with you... if your [sic] willing to have that as a possibility. Our bodies respond to medicines differently than human bodies. Much of the testing of medicines is done for human bodies. So, if you find you are not getting the expected results, then maybe your body requires something different. Ask it. [Reportedly, some Accessories believe they can live to be 800 years and older, apparently without any involvement with Singularity University (see my PS below). ~CC]

Relationship
Humanoids are capable of immense caring. A friend of mine realized this recently. Her awareness was that in her whole life, no one had been able to receive the caring she had for them. They continually resisted and rejected her, and she came to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with her. As a result, she shut it down and shut her down. Do you know how much energy it takes to shut-down an intensity of caring like that, and the devastating impact that had on her body? Huge!

Psychic
Most humanoids are highly-psychic. They pick up on all the thoughts, feeling and emotions of other people and buy these as theirs. When you become aware that you are simply perceiving all this stuff and it's not actually yours, then you can choose differently. The moment you say, "I'm feeling so sad." then you buy it as yours and impact your body with it. What if all the sadness and grief you perceive in the world wasn't yours? Would that change something for you? Just ask this question and you'll know, "Is this mine or someone else?"
[Interesting. Contrast this to the "we-all-are-one" mindset, such as that seen in the contemporary Ho'oponopno-ish views of "100% responsibility" and the idea that there's no such thing as "out there." ~CC]

More Please
There is so much more to humanoids than can be covered in this letter. My target is to give you some insights to the difference you be and open a door to other possibilities. James Cameron's movie Avatar is a wonderful opportunity to talk more on humanoids and I hope this has been useful to you. Perhaps you found yourself relating to those fabulous blue people, as I did.

The World
Humanoids create all the change in the world. If more humanoids would be them, then it becomes truly possible to change the world. You may already be aware that the planet is struggling, it's being consumed and most of what we are doing here is not working. There is much that needs to change and change quickly, if we are all to thrive. The humans won't do it; they don't like change. What about you? Changing the world is not difficult, if we all contribute. What contribution can you be?

I'll close here with a question for you to ponder.

What's it going to take for you to claim, own and acknowledge your unique humanoidness, be you and change the world?
... with ease and joy and glory, Stephen Outram Author ... and humanoid
www.stephenoutram.com
If you are interested to find out more, you can connect with Gary Douglas, Dr. Dain Heer and many other amazing humanoids at this website, www.accessconsciousness.com

There's also a page where you can read the comments of others who've taken the quiz. So far the page contains gushing praise from people (almost all of them women) who have taken the test and apparently have discovered that, amazingly, they too are humanoids!

A correspondent who also finds Access intriguing told me he was curious about the humanoid v. human issue, so he tried to strike up a real conversation with Stephen Outram about it. He asked Stephen to clarify what Gary Douglas meant by saying that humans and humanoids are two separate "species." Surely, my friend declared, Gary couldn't be referring to "species" in the sense that it is generally used by scientists, unless Gary really is saying that, for example, a human and a humanoid cannot produce a child together (as is the case with most but not all interspecies hook-ups)*.

My friend also wondered this: If the only things that distinguish a humanoid from a human being are factors such as curiosity, imagination, creativity, innovation, and the like, then how could there possibly be just two "types," with people being either one or the other? All of those factors, after all, can be found in most people to varying degrees. It's not an either-or deal. Therefore, wouldn't the human/humanoid categories be about as useful as saying that there are, for example, tall people and short people on the planet?

Perfect reasonable questions, I would think, but my pal never received answers to those questions. All he got out of Stephen O were more spammish replies, mostly about Gary Douglas' next workshops. The overriding message from Stephen seemed to be that Gary apparently holds the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life as a humanoid, and you can learn those secrets by attending Gary's workshops. (One gets the feeling that Stephen is vying for the cushy spot currently held by Gary's fave sidekick, Dr. Dain Heer, about whom I'll have more in my next Access post.)

Exasperated, my friend finally wrote to Stephen remarking that if he, Stephen, couldn't respond to even the most basic questions about the premise of his own web page, that pretty much gave my friend all the information he needed about Access. He noted the irony in the fact that his questions had been completely ignored, even though Access claims to encourage questions. Well, I personally don't find it that ironic. Access encourages questions (especially rhetorical ones) but not necessarily answers. [See PPS below ~CC]

Regarding Stephen O's spammy replies, my friend wrote to me, "I think the brain in this one has been deactivated and he is running on auto-pilot." But hey, that's okay. Humanoids don't need to think. They've gone beyond that. All they need do is sit back and ask questions about how life can get even better for them...or at least for their molecule-manipulating, humanoid leader, Gary Douglas.

Next: The Access money and sex machine...and a warning for Oprah!

PS ~ If you want to read a serious discussion about the "post-human" era and new ways in which a type of immortality – or at least insane longevity might be achieved (by some rich people, anyway), read Ashlee Vance's New York Times piece, "In the Singularity Movement, Humans are so Yesterday." Provocative stuff, based on real technological innovations rather than a California Realtor's grandiose fantasies. Thank you to my pal Duff McDuffee for Tweeting about this, which is how I found it.

PPS added 14 June 2010 ~ Someone just sent me a link to a Gary Douglas video that 'splains why questions are important in Access but answers are not. Turns out that questions are empowering, but answers are disempowering. The main question that Accessories are supposed to ask themselves is, "How does it get any better than this?" If you keep asking this question, the Universe just might keep showing you how it does get better. In the not-really-believable story Gary tells, a woman ends up finding a diamond bracelet in a gutter, presumably through serially asking how "it" gets any better than "this." Whether the story is true or not, Gary doesn't say if the woman tried to find out whose bracelet it was...or are we to assume that the Universe manifested the bauble just for her? To me there is a certain smarmy amorality about the whole thing. Anyway, here's the link to the video.

* Interspecies mating is actually rather rare, overall, and when it occurs it is generally between two related species. (One notable exception: my late dachshund Nicholas and his favorite cat, the equally late Sabrina. Those two carried on for years. But that's another story. I only wish I'd shot videos...) If interspecies mating results in offspring, they can either be infertile (as in the case with horses and donkeys, producing infertile mules), or fertile (as in the case of dogs and wolves, producing generally fertile hybrids). But the jury is apparently still out on humans and humanoids. Maybe Gary Douglas or Stephen O will enlighten us. Or maybe the answer is buried somewhere in Darwin's work.

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